Stress and anxiety of the homebuying and selling process reinforced by additional challenges in the care sector
Caring for a relative with dementia, like any complex and distressing illness, can be one of the most heartbreaking and upsetting experiences anyone can face. However, that painful period can be made even worse by the added pressure of selling a home.
Jennie Symons and her sister Tracy Howard recently shared their experience of having to sell the home of their father, Colin, to pay for his care – two highly stressful situations that can collide at an unfortunate time for many families.
Colin had Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease. Initially after the death of his wife Margaret, Colin had been able to continue living on his own with the support of his daughters and a care package.
In many cases, if your total capital exceeds £23,250 (upper capital limit), you may be considered a self-funder or dependent on your needs, you may be required to contribute top-up fees to your home care. Local councils will conduct both a care need assessment and a financial assessment (means test) to work out what you will have to pay towards the cost of your care.
At this point it is important to note that depending on the individual’s care need, funding such as NHS Continuing Healthcare (CHC) can be available in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, while Hospital Based Complex Clinical Care (HBCC) applies in Scotland. Local councils contemplate what is referred to as the twelve-week property disregard period when full-time residential care is needed, and the person is the only occupant of the house. It is intended to provide people with time to sell their home or organise for another option, like deferred payment. During that timeframe, there may be assistance from a local council to pay for someone’s care in the care home. Some contribution fees may be needed, but that is dependent on your income and other capital.
Selling a property within such a demanding timeframe can prove extremely stressful and challenging, particularly as many house transactions typically take more than 16 weeks to complete. Delays can occur for many reasons and vary across the UK. Common issues include missing upfront information, buyers or sellers withdrawing from a transaction and causing a sale to fall through, a lack of digitalisation leading to a heavy reliance on manual paperwork, and a host of other factors.
Colin’s health deteriorated significantly during 2025. Due to his care needs it was not possible for Colin to live with either Jennie or Tracy. “What he really needed was a team to provide full-time specialist dementia care.
“We (Tracy and I) approached several care homes but encountered significant barriers. Three (private) providers would not discuss placement options or arrange tours without evidence of a full year of fees to hand — (approximately £93,000 to £104,000, weekly specialist dementia care approx. £1800-£2,000 per week).
“A further three (local council) providers told us off the record that the homes would not consider a 12-week deferred payment arrangement because the property was subject to a lifetime mortgage. They were not interested,” Jennie and Tracy explained.
During the search, Colin’s daughters had applied for and been denied the council 12-week disregard payment due to his forecast income, and it was alarming to then be told the 12-week deferred payment was also not possible due to the lifetime mortgage on the property.
Deferred Payment Agreements are council-backed arrangements that enable people to postpone paying residential or nursing care costs. Instead of selling a home immediately, the local council pays part of the care fees, using the value of the property as security.
Commercial equity release options, such as a lifetime mortgage, require careful consideration when it comes to care funding. Moving permanently into a care home usually triggers the repayment of standard equity release loans.
“We knew it takes about 16 to 17 weeks to sell or buy a house at the moment. So, when we finally found a care provider open to a 12-month deferred payment plan, we had to act quickly. There was only one room available, and there were no guarantees about how long they could hold it for us. Luckily, we already had the paperwork needed for the assessment, like bank statements, lifetime mortgage details, and pension information. We also submitted details of the estate agent we would be using for the sale, along with a property valuation. Fortunately, this was successful and Dad moved into the care home at the end of August last year,” Jennie and Tracy stated.
Colin's house was put up for sale immediately, but this was where the complexities of the homebuying and selling process became particularly stressful.
"Early in February, the first sales chain collapsed on the day of exchange. The buyers at the start of the chain had no house to sell, and they tried to reduce their offer because more houses had become available,” Jennie and Tracy said. Days later Colin passed away.
"After our dad passed away, the lifetime mortgage became repayable three months after the date of his death.
"The second chain collapsed for the same reason as the first, and the third collapsed because the seller at the start of the chain became too stressed by the homebuying and selling process and took their house off the market.
"During the fourth chain, contracts were exchanged and the care home's 12-month deferred payment then became due. Obviously, if the fourth chain had collapsed, things would have gotten even more challenging, a huge worry for us both. We were stressed, exhausted and grieving. " Jennie and Tracy explained.
No one knows what complex situations they may face when caring for older parents in the future. This experience shows how difficult it can be for families to secure urgent care when a loved one’s needs suddenly intensify but their only asset is the property in which they live.
“We kept coming up against these ‘12 week’ periods for the disregard, the deferred payment, and the deadline for repaying the lifetime mortgage. Those timeframes no longer fit with the time it takes to sell a house. So many families and individuals will be facing similar challenges, and it is heartbreaking and extremely stressful,” Jennie and Tracy concluded.
Selling a home can be especially challenging when it's driven by the need to care for a loved one. The support of a qualified estate agent can help ease the stress by providing expert guidance and managing the process during an emotional and demanding time.
Advice from Propertymark is to set a little time aside to choose a trusted, well-regarded agent, explain your circumstances, and let them guide you through the process. Every situation is unique, so it's important to work with someone who can support you and your family with professionalism, empathy, and understanding.
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